My thirteen-year-old godson Finn’s
new fav word is “startled” and I have to admit that I’m feeling startled now
that 2015 is in full swing!
Newscasters, bloggers and anyone
with an opinion are all offering their various “Top 10” lists, while
motivational gurus are prepping us on how to plan for 2015. And, yes, I’m feeling the pressure to join
in.
I spent last week toying with my
own “Top 10 Ways To Make 2015 The Best Year Ever!” but eventually realized I
had my focus out of whack. I couldn’t
suggest ways to plan for 2015 until I’d made sense of my own 2014.
Here’s the thing – before you plan
for the future, you have to make sense of the past. There’s no point in making New Year’s
resolutions until you acknowledge the good of the previous year. To that end, I’ve asked myself five
questions:
1.
What did I learn in 2014?
2.
Who inspired me?
3.
What gave me pleasure?
4.
What or who surprised me?
5.
What am I grateful for?
Staring at these questions, I felt
stumped as I realized that during the past year I hadn’t stopped enough times
to take stock of where I was or where I was going. It was all rushrushrush.
Eventually, I did answer those five
questions and, for what it’s worth, here are my answers:
In 2014 I learned to ask for what I
want. I was inspired by a young man who
was willing to hit rock bottom before allowing himself to find true love. I realized with a newfound sense that I enjoy
giving keynote talks, not because I like to hear myself speak, but rather,
because of the great conversations that take place afterwards with interesting
people. I was surprised by how I made a
new friend who has opened unusual doors for me.
And lastly, I’m most especially grateful to a client whose generosity taught
me how to respect myself more than I’ve been doing.
While each of these answers – and
the insights grounding them – will guide me as I strategize for a new year, the
question I lingered over was #3.
Pleasure. As an unforgiving
perfectionist I tend not to “waste” time on pleasure. Yes – that’s a difficult admission!
For me, one of the great gifts of
2014 was speaking in October at the Titleist Performance Institute’s World Golf
Summit. It was one of the most perfect
days of my life – ever. And as a perfectionist,
I never say that about anything.
I speak to many different groups
throughout any given year – from non-profits to Fortune 500. So why was this different? What made this day “perfect”?
This time last year Ricardo, a
friend of mine who is a sports manager, told me that I needed to speak at The
Summit and that he’d introduce me to the organizers. I was skeptical. I’d never heard of The Summit and, besides, sure,
I play golf, but what could I say to a ballroom of professionals? Old insecurities flared-up.
Did speaking at The Summit become one
of my 2014 New Year’s resolutions? Not
really. Last year, though, I decided
that I wanted to expand the speaking side of my business. I’ve had great success in coaching people how
to speak, yet, for all my own enjoyment of presenting, I’ve never strategically
focused on that side of my business.
Why? Because I’ve believed those insidious tapes
in my head – that other people have better things to say than I do; that I
wouldn’t meet my perfectionistic standards; and that in some perverse way, I
didn’t deserve an opportunity. All lies
that I willingly bought into.
Last year, though, I reached a
place in my life where in my gut I knew it was inherently wrong for me not to
pursue my long held love of speaking. I
knew that I needed to expand my speaking engagements because if I didn’t, I’d
be disrespecting a core part of who I am.
Yet, despite my gut, I almost didn’t let Ricardo introduce me to the
organizers––what’s the use?! Was my
go-to mantra.
“The Art Of Coaching” was the theme
of the conference and I was presenting on “How To Create Trust” in the coaching
experience. When I was seven years old I
was hospitalized for four months with a heart condition that later prevented me
from playing sports. Although I outgrew
the condition and have led a healthy, physical life, sports remains an arena
where I feel unsure of myself. And I
never like feeling unsure.
I worried about this presentation
more than I normally would – convinced that I had snagged an invite to speak
through some kind of subterfuge.
But when I checked into the hotel something
happened. I walked into my room, plopped
on the bed and simply decided I didn’t want to worry any more. I decided that what I knew about “trust” was
worth 45-minutes of a person’s time; that the “I’m a fraud” slogan had long
out-served its usefulness; and that to worry would be disrespectful to me and
to what I wanted to share in my talk.
The half-sized ballroom was filled
beyond what I had anticipated. And while
those old fears made one last attempt to choke my confidence, something again happened
as I began my talk. I didn’t feel like a
fraud. I felt connected, as a professional,
to fellow professionals, with all of us
putting a premium on “trust.”
I spoke without the aid of
PowerPoint and at one point, while walking up the main aisle, telling an
outrageous story of how I learned from my mother not to trust people, with the
ballroom laughing at every right place, I became aware that I was enjoying my time
with these people. I let myself relish
the pleasure and didn’t try to suppress it as I normally would because, hey, pleasure
and business don’t mix in the world of a perfectionist.
Later that night there was a
get-together at a nearby bistro for all the presenters. I met folks from the world of golf and sports
who came to The Summit from far-flung corners of the world. Laughter and conversation flowed even more
freely than the beer. And so camaraderie took hold. We were presenters – storytellers – people
with unique perspectives who relished the pleasure that comes from genuine talk.
No one accused me of being a fraud
– not even myself. And, yeah, I was
startled. I was startled by the sheer
pleasure of it all.
The core truth of core truths is
that once you see something, it’s hard to “un-see” it.
I’ve never made a resolution based in
pleasure, but there is a first time for everything.
I resolve in 2015 to have more “Titleist
moments” because that experience of pleasure allowed me to remember that life
is worthy of my best. And why would it
be worthy of anything less?
So, what about you? What are
your answers to those five questions? How
can you give yourself a new-found respect and so offer life your best?
Resolve in 2015 to do that which
you’ve forbidden yourself to do and whose time has come. Go ahead and let yourself be startled!
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