THE Question To Ask This Holiday Season

I recently gave a workshop to folks at an IT start-up.  I lunched with three of the participants.  Rob (names changed) shared that he was going back home to London for Christmas and was feeling nervous.  He hasn’t seen his parents or his brother Ian in almost three years.  Rob revealed that he left home shortly after his brother disappeared.  Ian, an accomplished artist and musician, is a savant, a neuro-scientist with a Cambridge degree.  Three years ago, after Ian’s girlfriend dumped him, he suffered a breakdown and vanished.  Rob and his family had no idea what had happened to him.  Not even Interpol could help!  Then last month, on Rob’s birthday, he got a Skype call from Ian.  He was at a McDonald’s in a shopping mall in the south of France.  He borrowed someone’s computer, as he’s homeless.

Before Rob could continue this incredible story, Kate, one of our tablemates, blurted out, “Oh god, but we’re all so fragile!”  We all nervously laughed because she nailed it. Certainly, recent news events remind us of just how fragile and vulnerable we all are.

And so I’ve been thinking – how do we honor and protect our shared fragility, especially now as we celebrate Chanukah and Christmas, sacred celebrations of the weak and vulnerable?   My suggestion is simple – reach out and surprise someone(s) with a “thank you.” 

Recently Ed sent me a note via Facebook thanking me for the kindness I’d shown him when he used to visit his sister, Sheila, in Berkeley.  Sheila and I were in grad school and when Ed would visit her on his leaves from the Army, I’d have them over for dinner.  The truth is I had forgotten about those dinners, but Ed hadn’t.  His note took me by surprise and I’m grateful that he reached out. 

Before I sat down to write this column, I had an email from Jared, an LMU student in whose class I guest spoke.  He thanked me because my talk impacted how he views himself as he prepares to graduate.  The truth is I left the class thinking no one had paid attention and that I had wasted my time.  You just never know – until someone reaches out.

The best tweet I ever read simply said, “What can I do for you?”  During this holiday season, maybe that’s the question we need to ask rather than, “what can I get you?” 

At the end of lunch, Rob thanked us for listening to his odd story.  He said he didn’t feel as nervous.  We felt hopeful for him.   And maybe that’s what this season of holidays, this season of hope, is really all about – helping each other feel less fragile.

Paris – Today and Always

photo: https://www.facebook.com/lepetitprinceofficiel/

Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every human.

Victor Hugo

Do You Have A Story To Tell?

A human life is not a life until it is examined;

it is not a life until it is truly remembered and appropriated;

and such a remembrance is not something passive but active. . .

the creative construction of one’s life.

Oliver Sacks

A friend of mine, Ted (names changed), is in the throes of a job search.  He’s interviewed at one company that seems interested as they asked him to take an Emotional Intelligence assessment.  His answers were analyzed into a fifty-page report!  He was pleasantly surprised by much of what the report outlined and disagreed with some aspects of the diagnosis.  I’m not a fan of personality assessments as I think they’re limited in how they can actually help a person.  I don’t think the results allow for a person to “appropriate” who they are in all their nuance and complexity.  Taking an assessment is not the same as examining one’s life.

This summer I was an instructor at a three-day college essay writing boot camp for seniors at a private high school.  As you may know, part of the college application process requires at least one, sometimes two essays.  The prompts are common to all schools.  Check out some of the prompts that high schoolers across the U.S. are writing about:

1.     Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

2.     Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

3.     Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you and explain that influence.

4.     Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

5.     Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

6.     The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success.  Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure.  How did it affect you and what did you learn from the experience?

7.     Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea.  What prompted you to act?  Would you make the same decision again?

Imagine you were applying for a job and the director of H.R. handed you these prompts and asked you to select two and write a six-hundred and fifty word essay on each. Could you do it?  

I worked with an impressive group of seniors and each of their approaches to selecting an essay impressed and moved me.  Jared loves molecular biology – it’s what makes him come alive. Darren still wrestles with the death of his dad who taught him the importance of devoting ten thousand hours to whatever skill he wants to master.  Lacey is a nice Jewish girl who went away to summer school and had the shock of her life – she became friends with a Jordanian Muslim.  Ted has a diagnosed OCD condition that complicated his coming out gay to his family and friends because he needed to do it “perfectly.”  When Eddie began high school he went around saying, “I’m not just a freshman” and he’s been resisting labels ever since.  David used to play soccer until he climbed on a surf board, caught his first wave and found inner calm.

I was moved working with these kids as they agonized over what prompt to choose and what story to tell.  I marveled at their excitement as they realized they did have a story to tell, that they are different today than when they began high school.  I thrilled as each released his or her grip on fear and found their own individual voice.   

The wonder of the boot camp was seeing each kid learned how to live a life worth examining and sharing.  And they learned this greatest of skills by being willing to not worry if a particular story is what “they” (school admissions officers) want to hear but worry rather – does this story tell who I am?

What about you – what’s your story?

How To Be Good WITH People

I was at Starbucks waiting in line for my order – and listening in on a conversation a woman was having with the barista.  Seems he’d left Starbucks for another job but has returned having been laid off at that short-lived  job.  The woman offered sympathy saying,  “You’ll be okay because you’re so good with people.”  He thanked her and tossed the compliment back, saying, “You are, too.”  She demurred, “Not really.  I’m not good with people at all!”

I don’t know why she thinks she isn’t good with people, but she did get me thinking – what does it mean to be “good with people”?  Okay, so there are scores and scores of ways to be “good” with and to people.  Recently, though, I was reminded that one of the best ways is simply to pay attention to people.

Last month I met with Lauren (names changed), an executive who was interested in bringing someone onboard for her team’s annual training.  Although she was cordial, I couldn’t get a read on how things were going.  When it was time to leave I wasn’t sure that I had won the contract.

But, then, as we approached the door, I noticed a cluster of black-and-white photos of Pacific islands.  Hawaii?  I asked Lauren if she’d taken them.  She had.  We spent another five minutes chatting about our mutual love of Hawaii – and, yes, Lauren hired me.

Last week I visited a client at his downtown office.  The receptionist, Amy, greeted me with a smile and a, “Nice to see you, JP.”  Because it’s a large company and she encounters hundreds of visitors weekly, I was impressed she remembered my name (most people confuse my initials within minutes of meeting me).  When I complimented her memory, she simply said, “It’s easy to remember nice people.”

Okay, I know this borders on the corny, but. . .

A couple of months ago, I met with my client on what happened to have been Amy’s first day.  She incorrectly validated my parking ticket and I had to go back up to the office to have it fixed.  Amy was apologetic and I just made a joke about it.

Last week she told me she had been embarrassed that her mistake caused me to waste my time.  She appreciated my patience and understanding.  I was floored.  It really had been no big deal.

So here’s the thing – part of being good with people is paying attention to them.  The Latin root of “attention” is “attendere” – to reach toward.  To reach toward another person with interest – with curiosity – with empathy and humor.  Yes, that’s what it means to be good with people.

Would Lauren have hired me had I not noticed her photos of Hawaii?  I think most likely.  However, those last five minutes spent chatting made each of us even more human to the other.  And more likeable.

Would Amy have given me a friendly greeting had I been less than understanding over her mistake?  She’s a smart woman and so she would have, even if she thought I was a jerk.  But I helped her ease into a new job and in turn she’s making life easier for a whole lot of other people.

Being good with people is actually as simple as making a Starbucks Iced, Half Caff, Ristretto, Venti, 4-Pump, Sugar Free, Cinnamon, Dolce Soy Skinny Latte.  All you have to do is pay attention!

The Power Of Accepting An Invitation

When I was a sophomore in college, I had the opportunity to interview iconic feminist writer Anais Nin.  She was warm and gracious and afterwards invited me to a party she was hosting at her home in Greenwich Village.  I was ecstatic as I imagined myself being swept-up in a bohemian circle of literary sophisticates – okay, so even now, I still get caught-up in the memory! When I got home, my mother glared and said, “You’re not going.  You don’t know what sorts of people will be at that thing.”  I was crushed.  All these years later, I still wonder – what sorts of people were at that party and what would they have done with me?!

Poet and business writer David Whyte maintains that, “how we respond to an invitation can mark or maim us for the rest of our days.”  He believes that as we go about our day, invitations are continually hurled our way.  The question is – do we recognize when we’re being invited and do we respond with any sort of regularity to these invitations?

Here’s the thing – invitations can come in all sorts of guises.  For instance, a recent article in the NYTimes profiled Academy Award-nominated Michael Fassbender.  When he was nineteen, he auditioned for the Drama Centre in London.  Having already been rejected by two schools, he was nervous as he waited to do his Iago monologue.  Right before the audition, he went to the men’s room and while standing at the urinal, he noticed “Hi, Cookie!” scrawled on the wall.  As it turned out, he recently played the Cook in a production of “Mother Courage” and he used a Scottish accent.   

Hmm. . .Cook / Cookie.  Opting to take it as a “sign” he did the Iago monologue in a Scottish accent, even though he hadn’t prepared it that way.  He wowed them and the rest is history. 

In its roots, “invite” means to attract, entice, challenge or encourage.  It would seem that even graffiti in a bathroom can be an invitation!

This past Quarter I had thirty students in my UCLA Extension class on business communication.  I offered everyone in the class the opportunity to have a half-hour coaching session with me.  Only six responded.  That’s why I regularly make this invitation – it makes me look good and I know that the overwhelming majority of students will not take me up on the invitation. However, the few who do, engage me in conversations that are enlightening, stimulating and poignant.

Or consider this – what’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?  Every compliment is an invitation to become more of the good thing that people are noticing about you. Business guru Peter Bregman had a client who once told him, “There is grace in being molded by your own gifts.”  I love that image and maybe that’s the greatest invite of all – the invitation to become more fully you!

Invitations can be a pain in the butt precisely because they challenge us to get off our butt and go outside our comfort zone.  The unknown is scary and so it’s easy to rationalize why we can’t accept an invitation.  But what would your life be like if you never received an invitation?  Now that would be scary!

So, the next time you receive an invitation, don’t rush to say “NO!”  A generous “YES!” may hold all sorts of good surprises.

PS: after I wrote the first draft of this column, I picked up a magazine that had arrived in that day’s mail.  I read that Shonda Rhimes (of ABC Thursday night fame) has her first book coming out in November. “Year Of Yes” is the story of what happened when she decided to say “Yes” to every invitation for one year.  Hmm. . .!

A Brave Act Of One's Own

 
I collect and frame menus that hang on my dining room walls.  Last Christmas friends gave me a framed menu from a long-gone New York establishment.  I loved the menu but not the frame, so I decided to get it reframed.  Well, here it is September and I’ve yet to get the menu reframed.  I haven’t forgotten about it – it’s on a table near my bedroom closet.  Every day for nine months I’ve walked by it! 

Why haven’t I gotten it reframed?  Am I lazy?  Kind of.  Am I cheap?  Sort of.  I want to get it reframed but I don’t necessarily see the value of spending money when there’s other “stuff” I value more.  Besides, there’s no dire consequence if I don’t get it reframed.  Though I’ll admit, I’ve not had my friends over for dinner!

I marvel that I’ve walked past this frame that rests flat on a table I walk by on the way to my bathroom, without making a decision as to what to do with it.  I mean, it can’t stay on that table forever.  Or can it?  Most days, I don’t even see it.

I shouldn’t be surprised because the reality is that if we don’t see value in something or someone we most likely will ignore it – or them.  How often do you say, “we have to do lunch” and then never do.  Why?  You know as well as I that if we saw value in having lunch with a person, we would!  We keep at bay people and obligations for which we see little or no value.  BUT, what determines if I “see” value?

The answer to that question varies widely among us.  However, business guru Peter Bregman challenges his clients with the question, “what do you not want to see?”  Hmm.  Ignoring a menu is easy but what are the areas of my life I don’t want to rummage around in and “see” what’s there?

It can be scary to see aspects of life that we prefer to walk by because once you see something, you can’t un-see it.  And if you can’t un-see it then you have to change and change can be uncomfortable. 

I work with clients who stay in dysfunctional “romances” or emotionally abusive jobs, who stay in a mindset of doom and gloom because they have trained themselves to no longer see the price their fear-laden complacency exacts from them.

Why do we stay in a relationship or job that has so little value?  Fear.  Fear that the place of higher value will demand we become braver than we now are.

The bravest act is an act of one’s own.

What menu do you need to get reframed?!

A Question We All Need To Answer On Labor Day

We can wake up each morning and the first question that emerges is:

“I wonder what life will do for me today?”

But our days can begin with a very different question:

“What can I give to life and the world today?”

We have little power over what life gives to us,

BUT

A great deal of power over what we give to it.

The most deeply happy and fulfilled people I have met have been

People who knew life expected a great deal from them.

UNKNOWN

And so the question for you is:

what can you give to life today?

10 Things Trustworthy, Trust-Generating Pros Do

Last October I had the privilege to speak at the Titleist Performance World Golf Summit – even, though I only play miniature golf!  I spoke on how coaches, trainers and teachers can create trust between themselves and their clients.  I explained that no matter what your field trust springs up when your client believes that you “see” and understand them.

In my talk I highlighted the basic communication skills that go into creating trust: listening, managing emotions, understanding your biases and using well-chosen words.

In the months since that talk, I’ve recognized a marked difference between those who are able to create a trusting relationship and those who seem robotic.  Yes, clearly there’s a difference in communication skills BUT there’s also that “something else.” 

I’m now convinced that the “something else” hovers around whether the coach, teacher, healer (substitute “manager” or “leader”) trusts their own individual self – trusts not just their professional skill set, but trusts their own person and their ability to enter into a relationship with others.

In order to establish trust with your client you need to trust your own self.

What does it mean to trust your own self?  While it’s about being “confident”, it’s about more than confidence.  When you trust your self certain observable things happen – or at least, you’re willing to let happen. 

Trusting your self means that you –

1.     Believe that what you’re doing is worthwhile and you’re committed to the job.  Golf legend Scott Foley said it best: “I’m here to touch the individual lives of the people that I work with.  I was raised on the idea that when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night the goal is to leave the world in a better place than you found it.” 

2.     Readily and willingly make yourself vulnerable and are not easily embarrassed.

3.     Experience empathy for what your client is feeling, thinking.

4.     Respect failure and mistakes and so are patient because you know the process demands it.

5.     Convey knowledge and competency with a non-arrogant alertness so that a potential problem is addressed with, “here’s how we’ll handle it.”

6.     Telegraph joy in what you’re doing through a palpable sense of liveliness, exchange and laughter.

7.     Focus on the client and are not self-absorbed because the on-going dynamic of the relationship is paramount.

8.     Understand the inherent power of story – realizing that a command of facts alone doesn’t generate trust.

9.     Go about your business rooted in the belief that the ultimate goal is to hear a client say, “I hadn’t thought of that before.”  It’s all about discovery.

10.  Are grateful – for the skill, the client, the opportunity.  Everything rests on this.  Seriously, have you ever met an ingrate you trusted?  How can there be trust without gratitude?

I think these ten traits flow from being able to answer the most basic and simple of questions: “Who do I want to be?”  Answer that question and you will inevitably come to trust yourself – and so create a trusting relationship with your clients.

A recent client of mine told me that he wants to be known for five characteristics: Intriguing / interesting / powerful / knowledgeable / humble.  He believes that he is these words and also that he can become “more” of these words.  I’ve been working with him only a short while but I can see how those words mark him and why his business practice is getting noticed. 

The truest of truths is that people will most trust you when you trust yourself.  Why?  Because the more you trust yourself, the more you’ll –

·      trust your client

·      trust the process of the relationship

·      help the client trust him / her self

Trust is a circular experience.  A client or colleague trusts you when they believe you “see” them.  You can only see them when you see and trust your self.  The more you trust yourself, the more you can help your client trust his or her own self. 

Help a client trust their own self and they will come to believe that they can “do it” – whatever skill that “it” might be.

Ultimately, the circle of trust begins with you.

There’s no magic to any of this, though when trust happens, it can be magical.

The One Sure Thing That Motivates People

Last week I met with a new client at a café.  Nate (name changed) has been hired to increase profits at a family-owned design business.  He’s MBA smart and good at what he does.  Only problem – he’s managed to tick-off most of his colleagues and a fair number of customers within six months!  Nate knows he can increase profits and take the business to the next level – if only people would stop giving pushback.  He’s frustrated that people don’t see things his way and he doesn’t understand why.

While we were talking, a server came by our table with his order.  Nate didn’t acknowledge her with even a simple “thanks.”  It might seem nit-picky of me to have noticed but the last time we were at this café he didn’t thank the server.  The little things are the big things because they reveal so much about a person.

While I’ve enjoyed my conversations with Nate – he’s friendly, respectful and seems genuinely interested in improving his skill set – I’m fascinated by his lack of curiosity for other people.  This lack results in his forgetting basic social etiquette with the “help.”  And I think that’s how he thinks of anyone working for him!  When I pointed out that saying “thank you” is polite in a social setting and critical in a work setting, he was taken aback.

He incredulously asked, “Why should I thank people for doing their job when I’m paying them?  Shouldn’t that be enough?”

Perhaps that “should” be enough; however, for most of us, it’s not.  Because we’re psychological creatures, we all have a deep-seated need to be seen and appreciated.  Not coddled.  Recognized.

Later, he shared that he wants to increase efficiency with the head bookkeeper.  He told her the story of how Goldman Sachs (a firm he’d worked for) distinguishes itself with a rigorous system that reduces error to virtually nil.  And that’s what he wants – an error free bookkeeping department because fewer errors means greater profit.  He’s frustrated, though, because bookkeeping gave him pushback.

I suspect Goldman aims for an error-free protocol not just because of profits.  “Error-free” is platinum customer-service and that’s what separates the good from the great – customer service, not profits.  Most people are motivated by and take pride in reputation before profit. 

I told Nate that the architect Mies van der Rohe claimed, “God is found in the details.”  He got excited because that’s what he had told the bookkeeper – that “the devil is found in the details.”  I burst out laughing.  Mies found God in the details and Nate finds the devil.  Which motivates people best?  He was sheepish when I asked him that question.

What about you?  What is it like to work with or for you?!

How A "Loser In Love" Inspired Me!

Last month I invited Dylan, an LMU college senior, to speak in my UCLA class “How To Talk To Anyone.”  A few years ago Dylan considered himself boring – and it was affecting his dating life.  Although he’s smart, athletic and good-looking, he was a self-described “loser in love.”  I invited him to my class because his story is rather unusual.

One Saturday night he came back to his dorm room a bit drunk and a whole lot discouraged.  He’d gone to a party and failed to connect with any of the girls.  He went on Facebook looking for distractions when a pop-up ad appeared for a dating coaching site promising near-instant success with women. The guy offering advice promised that his video would reveal, among other things, the secret to making every conversation have the “fun, seductive vibe all the best do naturally.”

Desperate and willing to try anything, Dylan bought the video.  Somehow he was able to look beyond the cheese and extract the key truths behind the hype. He grew in confidence and learned how to engage girls (and guys) in conversation.  And, yes, he now has a great girlfriend. 

Dylan offered my class four key truths he’s learned – truths that extend beyond dating and that go to heart of being both engaging and confident:

First, HOW you say something is even more important that WHAT you say.  Non-verbal sets the tone, i.e. the basics of the look in the eye, the smile, and an assured handshake.   

Second, trust the “60/40” Rule – upwards of sixty percent of what goes on in a conversation is beyond our control.  If a person has had a lousy day or is preoccupied in any way, then that will influence how they see and respond to you.  You have to take care of and be responsible for the forty percent that’s in your control.   

Third, understand the “value” you bring to an encounter.  If you don’t believe you bring any value then why should you expect the other person to value their time with you?  Keep telling yourself that you’re “boring” and your words become a self-fulfilling prophecy.   

Fourth, learn from failure.  Not everyone will enjoy you, yet you can learn from every encounter.

So how did I meet Dylan?  I was a guest speaker in one of his college classes.  Afterwards he asked for my card and a couple of weeks later we met for coffee. I shared my story; he told me his and I knew his journey from “boring” to “engaging” had to be shared with my class. 

What Dylan reminded my class is this – no one has to be “boring.”   

Boring is a learned trait and so it can be unlearned!

The One Thing You Have To Do In Order To Shock People

Randy Garutti, COO of famed Shake Shack, constantly tells his team members to,

“Put us out of business because you are so damn generous with what you give the people who walk in this door.”

He wants customers to leave a Shake Shack shaking their smiling heads saying,

“I can’t believe what that guy did at Shake Shack.”

Clients will often ask me what they have to do to persuade people to work with them. What they’re really asking me is: What makes the best “best”?

And the answer is simple –

have people be in disbelief at your generosity.

Consider this core of the core question:

What does generosity look like for you?

Are You Interesting Enough?

NOTE:  Currently, I’m teaching a six-week workshop at UCLA Extension titled, How To Talk To Anyone.  The workshop is aimed at people who want to figure out how to talk tactfully, intelligently and spontaneously in a variety of situations and with a broad range of people. I’m posting progress reports here as well as updates on what I’m doing to help the participants find their own individual voice.  This is Part 2 in that ongoing series.

Recently I gave a workshop focused on dealing with “difficult people.”  One of the participants, Fred (names changed), a VP at a research company, introduced himself in such a low voice that I couldn’t hear his name.  I asked him to repeat himself and I still couldn’t catch his name.  He spoke so softly he reminded me of the YouTube personality, The French Whisperer.

Later, when I asked the group to consider what makes them individually difficult to other people, Fred admitted that people find him difficult because he’s a low talker.  Well, if you know that the volume of your voice makes it difficult for people to engage with you, why keep speaking at that same low volume?  Or at the very least, why aren’t you making YouTube videos?!

Fred is interesting only insofar as he’s difficult in so puzzling a way.

And what does all of this have to do with How To Talk To Anyone?  In last week’s session I asked the participants, “Who do you enjoy talking with?”  Folks quickly responded with some version of, “I enjoy talking with interesting people.”

When I then asked what makes someone “interesting” they offered a variety of answers including: well-traveled, educated, athletic, musical, artistic, etc.  I gently pointed out that while those traits and abilities have the potential for making someone interesting, I’ve met MANY well-educated, traveled, talented people who I found boring and/or obnoxious.  They simply laughed – in agreement.

Sure, we all enjoy talking with people whose life experiences are different from our own BUT what really makes someone interesting – for all the right reasons?

Here’s what makes someone interesting to me –

confidence + healthy self-esteem + competency + a keen interest in the “other”

A confidently competent person is of little value if they are not genuinely interested in the person(s) they are dealing with.  Simply put, an interesting person knows how to make the other person feel recognized and valued.

When I asked the participants if they considered their own self to be “interesting” most said “NO” or at best only half-heartedly thought they were interesting.  Jacob said he thought he wasn’t “enough” and so wasn’t interesting.  He admitted that no one has ever directly accused him of being boring or of not being “enough” BUT he knows that he’s not enough.

So, true confession, there was a time when I thought I was boring and not enough.  I was heading off to college and didn’t know what to do in order to stop “being” boring.  Before I walked through the campus gates of Fordham, I decided to be bold in reaching out to people who scared me.  The people who scared me were the people who I thought were living life.

I joined the college radio station (WFUV) and I interviewed all sorts of writers and artistic types hoping they’d give me some glimpse into what it was like to live an interesting life.  The most interesting of these people was famed diarist Anais Nin.

With my trusty tape recorder in hand, I went to her Greenwich Village apartment.  I remember how gracious she was when she waved me into her living room.  She served tea and then, just as I had set up the recorder, she abruptly said, “Wait!”  She stood up, went over to phone jack and unplugged the phone.  She smiled and said, “I don’t want anyone to disturb us.”

I was thrilled.  I was honored.  I was humbled.  I was totally under her spell because I felt recognized.  I didn’t feel boring.  I felt enough.  And all these years later, I still cherish that memory.

Here’s the thing – was Anais interesting because she was a bi-coastal bigamist who had also been lovers with the great Henry Miller?  Sure.  And was Anais interesting because she made me feel “enough”?  Absolutely!

Anais gave me the gift that all interesting people give – she gave me her attention.  The origin of “attention” is in the Latin word “attendere” – to reach toward.  And that is what all interesting people do – they reach toward the other person by sharing stories and insights and knowledge and inviting them to do the same.

The truth of the truth is –

you can’t talk to anyone unless you’re willing to be interesting.

I ended last week’s session as I will end this posting – with two odd questions:

What is the best compliment anyone has ever given you?

What is the best compliment you have ever given anyone?

I ask these questions because each one of us has a deep-seated need to be recognized and an interesting person, with extravagant generosity, practices this.

So, try this. . .

This week, be bold in your compliments to friend and stranger alike.  I think you’ll be surprised what “interesting” things happen!