The Gift Of A Candle-Bearing Rabbit

Ever since he was three my godson Finn (11) and I have had the tradition of getting a Christmas tree and decorating it.  His mother gives us free reign.  On Friday, I met Finn after school and, as we’re walking towards my car, he suddenly ran off after a kid who was a block away. When Finn caught up with the kid he gave him a hug and then ran back to me.  Matter-of-factly Finn told me that he gives one person a day a special hug. 

We got the tree quickly as Finn spotted the perfect one in the first row we walked down.  We drove back to his mom’s and the part I dreaded–lugging the tree inside.  I assigned Finn to the front of the tree.  While he huffed and grunted, he reassured me it wasn’t too heavy.  

We then headed back out for lights and some new ornaments.  First stop was Pier 1 where Finn was interested in everything but the ornaments.  Finally, he came up to me lugging a brass rabbit holding a lantern with room for a tea light.  I was annoyed as we were pressed for time and this wasn’t a Christmas decoration.  “Too expensive,” I snapped, but he insisted his mom would like it. 

My patience frayed, we went to a drug store where we loaded up on stuff.  I’m thinking that maybe we can pull this off when he says, “I really want the rabbit.”  I’d hoped he’d forgotten about it; but for some reason, he was taken with it.  When I asked why he liked this rabbit, he said he didn’t know.  “Fine, then I’m not going to waste my money.” 

“Okay, I’ll tell you,” he said all panicked. “I like the rabbit cause he looks like he’s bringing a gift.  He’s bringing light and my mom likes candles.  It’s like he’s giving her a candle gift for Christmas.”

I was floored.  Still, though, it was expensive.  To test just how much he wanted this, I explained that the rabbit would count towards his Christmas gift and that I’d deduct the price from what I was going to spend on his gift.  Without hesitating, he said, “That’s okay.”  And so we returned for his rabbit.

Since Thanksgiving I’ve been complaining that I’m not in a holiday mood.  Until now––until Finn let me see the holidays through his eyes.

You give someone a hug each day.  You help lift what needs to be lifted, no matter how heavy.  And like a winter rabbit you gift people with light.  I’m not going to say this is easy to do, but if Finn can do it, why can’t I?  Why can’t you?

How To Handle Wacky Holiday Relatives

Last week I met up with my friend Sue who’d spent Thanksgiving on a cruise with her extended family.  She had a dinner’s worth of stories––sweet, funny, and whack-a-do!  Story begat story and soon we were outdoing each other with outrageous tales of family holidays past.  We laughed, we cried, we sighed as we reflected on the poignancy and downright lunacy of our families!

As a result of my dinner with Sue, I’ve decided to spend this month’s columns reflecting on the holidays, trying mightily to avoid the clichés of Top 10 lists and anything that‘s a tad too Hallmark-y.

While I’m not sure I can tell you how to ‘survive’ the holidays, I will remind you of something crucial that you mustn’t lose sight of: people are consistent in what they say and do. 

Think on this Thanksgiving.  If you shared it with people whom you shared it last year, I’m sure their behavior was much the same.  The most obnoxious person from last year probably was just as obnoxious this year.  Whoever fell asleep watching TV in the living room last year, most likely fell asleep this year.  And the person who bored you to tears this year I’m sure did so last Thanksgiving. 

People don’t change.  Holiday celebrations take on rituals of their own, within which we each play a role. 

Given that, what should you do with the relatives that drive you batty, if not to tears?  Change.  Change the way in which you deal with them because, if you don’t change, and they’re not going to change, then nothing is going to change and the 2012 holidays will again end up being from hell!

Here’s what to do.  First think about who’s on your ‘naughty’ (substitute stronger word) list.  How do they press your buttons?  Why do they have the ability to press those buttons?  Once you’re aware of what they’re doing, then you can decide if you are going to allow them to upset you. 

Understand that it really is a game.  Consciously or unconsciously you and the other person are doing a relationship dance.  Don’t like the dance?  Then change your steps.  For instance, if someone asks you a rude or seemingly insulting question, rather than getting angry just play dumb.  Pretend you don’t understand what they mean and ask them to explain themselves.  They’ll become flustered. 

Are you at the table with someone who has a history of deliberately riling you up?  Laugh instead of getting annoyed.  Do not give them what they want (your annoyance) and they’ll become frustrated and eventually move on to some other hapless celebrant.

You can make the holidays cheery and bright OR miserable and bleak!