Why People Are Annoying (Including You and Me) Part 2

So, are you able to say what makes you a difficult person?  I’m presuming you were

readily able to describe the kind of behavior that makes people difficult for you.  Did you notice any similarities in the way you can be difficult and in the way others are difficult for you?

If you’re being honest (and I presume you are) I think you’ll recognize that it’s not about “them” vs. “us.”  We really are all in this together.

In learning how to manage difficult behavior––others and our own––it’s essential to recognize a CORE TRUTH:

We all do what we do, say what we say, for a reason.  We don’t just randomly do and say things.  We are always trying to accomplish something.  We do and speak (the good, the bad, the ugly) for a reason.  As people, we are purpose driven.

Because we live our lives wanting to accomplish many things, our goals guide our behavior.  There are three common, overarching goals, though, that merit looking at:

1.     wanting to get something done

2.     wanting to get something done perfectly right

3.     wanting to get along with others and get appreciated by others

These three goals guide much of our behavior––consciously and unconsciously.

Now, here’s the thing. . .

What happens when you want to get something done and you don’t think the person in charge of getting it done is going to get it done?  What do you become?  Difficult.  How?  You become controlling because you’ve lost both faith in and patience with the other person(s).

What happens when your focus is obsessed not simply on getting the job done but also on getting it done perfectly?  What do you become?  Difficult.  How?  Well, yes, you become controlling AND your demand for perfection kicks in.  OR, and here the “weird” psychology part takes over, you might become a pessimist because you don’t believe that what needs to get done perfectly will ever get done perfectly.  Despair drips over you.

What happens when you want to have people like you, really like you, and recognize you and appreciate you?   What do you become?  Difficult.  How?  You’ll do pretty much anything to get their attention and/or approval because you’re consumed with getting others’ to notice you.  Ironically, your desire for the lovin’ results in you becoming a pain in the butt!

Another CORE TRUTH:

You and I most readily become difficult when we need something and we believe (rightly or wrongly) that we’re not getting what we so desperately want.  And everybody we work with, live with, is just like us.

Understand what the person who is acting out in a difficult manner wants and you then can figure out how to deal with them successfully.