Why People Are Annoying (Including You and Me) Part 1

All of my work is grounded on FOUR CORE BELIEFS:

1.   While growing up, most of us never learned healthy, effective communication skills. It was all hit-n-miss.

2.   Old habits die-hard.

3.   We can change no one; however, if you change how you routinely deal with a person, then they’re forced to change how they deal with you.

4.   Communication is about psychology and strategy—understand how people think and then you can decide how to effectively communicate with them.

So many of us put up with rude, inappropriate behaviors. Instead of speaking up, the desire to be liked, to avoid conflict, or to protect another's feelings takes over and we end up keeping our mouths shut––and our resentments bottled-up inside. 

Frustration, stress, and misplaced anger are the by-products of giving difficult people permission to mistreat us.

People come to me believing that they have no alternatives when dealing with the difficult people in their lives.  What am I supposed to do?  I just can’t. . .

The truth is, you can stop the cycle of frustration.  However, in order to come up with a strategy for dealing with the difficult behaviors in your life, there are two questions you must first answer.  Consider:

What makes difficult people difficult for you?

What makes you difficult?

Here’s the thing. . . until you understand why a person’s behavior is difficult for you, you will not be able to effectively practice any of the tips, tricks, and strategies I’m going to give you.

What’s more. . .it’s not enough to accuse other people of being difficult.  This is not an “us” vs. “them” scenario.  The fact is, each one of us can be, has been, and is difficult to other people.  Gain insight into what causes you to be difficult and you’ll gain insight into what makes other people difficult.  With that insight, you’ll be able to come up with ways to deal with, manage,  and defuse difficult people and behavior.

What are the skills needed to productively and tactfully deal with difficult behavior? 

Here’s where psychology comes into play. . .

People act out in difficult ways when they believe you do not “see” them––do not understand or care about their needs, desires, and concerns.

Dealing tactfully with and managing difficult people is all about reassuring them, convincing them, that you do “see” them.

Next time, I’ll tell you simple ways with which you can reassure a “difficult person” that you see and understand the source of their concern and agitation.  In the meantime. . . answer these two questions:

What makes difficult people difficult for you?

What makes you difficult?