To Live A Risky Life

Last week I met with a couple that are getting married next month.  They met four years ago while working in Asia for different divisions of an international food company.  As with many courtships, theirs is a crisscrossed story.  Last year, though, the groom, then CEO of another company based in Asia, decided he no longer wanted to be separated by continents from the woman he loved.  And so he resigned his position and moved to the U.S.

I was stunned as I never met anyone who resigned from the perch of CEO because of love.  When I told him that I was moved by his daring, he matter-of-factly said, “It wasn’t a hard decision.  I love this woman.”  Ah, but for many, I think taking a risk even for love is a rare act.

In the weekend NY Times, Arthur Brooks, reflecting on his courtship of his wife, observes, “Most people are slaves to fear, and prefer avoiding risk to staring it down.  The opposite of love is fear. . .If we want more love, we must conquer fear. We must take personal risks for big potential romantic rewards. Love is supposed to be a little scary because it is uncertain. . .Courage means feeling the fear of rejection and loss but pursuing love anyway. . .Treat love as if it were a start-up that will change the world.”

Recently, at a workshop on leadership, I told the story of a client of mine who hired me for the sole purpose of helping her get promoted to VP.  We mapped out a strategy, analyzing her strengths and blind spots, dissecting office politics and power sources.  Nothing underhanded about any of it – just smart strategy to help her get what she wanted in a way that was mutually satisfying to all involved.  And, yes, she did get promoted.  When I was done outlining the strategy, a participant asked, “Wasn’t that risky on her part?  Couldn’t it have backfired on her?”  Well, yeah, sure it was risky.  However, was being strategic in going after a valued goal more risky than not going after the goal and waiting for someone to magically give it to her?

Friends of mine, married for almost twenty years, are finally divorcing.  I say “finally” because for more than a decade they knew their relationship was neither functional nor healthy.  They stayed together for various reasons most of which came down to the hope that staying comfortably miserable would have a bigger pay-off than risking living outside the dysfunction of their marriage.

And so last week I was reminded that Life, at its most lively, is all about Risk.

Which are you more comfortable with: risk or fear?