How To Really Give Thanks!

A few weeks ago I officiated a memorial service for George (name changed), a man I’d never met.  A trusted neighbor, who had attended a wedding I officiated, referred George’s family to me.  At eighty-five he had been a trusted doctor, researcher, husband, father, friend.  For those who knew him, he was a legend.

On the afternoon of the service, George’s backyard was filled with over a hundred people, all eager to tell their own special “George” story.

Issak Dinesen, author of “Out Of Africa,” believed that “any sorrow can be endured if a story can be told about it.”  And so it was that afternoon.  I marveled at the remarkable (and funny) tales these people shared. 

At memorial’s end, I reminded folks that what we were doing was important, but next day, there will be that haunting question, “now what?”  The playwright Thornton Wilder claimed that, “The highest tribute to the dead is not grief, but gratitude.”  And the only way we truly show gratitude is by doing.

I urged everyone in the days ahead to reflect on the particular gifts that George had given to each of them and then to be for others what he had been for them.  That is the surest way to honor his memory and keep his legacy alive.  That is true Thanksgiving.

The irony today is that there’s so much going on during Thanksgiving Day that there’s no longer enough time to actually give thanks!  BUT, when the Black Friday madness dies down and the leftovers are gone, I encourage you to take a moment to commit to being for others what some personal hero of yours has been for you.

There’s more, though!  I was struck during the celebration of George’s life at how people were talking with each other.  No one sat alone; no TV was blaring in the background.  People were talking, laughing, smiling with glistening eyes.  There was food and booze aplenty, so that if you walked in off the street, you might mistake it for a wedding reception.

I’ve no doubt that most of those people live busy lives; yet, they found time to come to this celebration.  Maybe it’s easier to make time if you know it’s the final celebration than if it’s just a regular lunch with a friend, BUT I wondered – if we lived with more gratitude would we spend more time with people?

Can you really give thanks alone?  Thanks has to be with others.

The classic question is: “If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?”  Answer that and you’ll know how to give genuine thanks. 

Happy Thanksgiving!