Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Frank Outlaw
Last week I offered a seminar on “dealing strategically with difficult people.” During introductions, three out of nineteen admitted that they were taking the workshop because they know that they themselves are difficult.
I admired their willingness to be upfront in a group of strangers. At various points during the day, each of these self-identified difficult persons recognized various aspects of their ultimately self-sabotaging behavior in my presentation. However, I had the sense that they had resigned themselves to the fact that “that’s just how I am.”
One man admitted that in his capacity as a manger he frequently yells and slams doors. “My team knows that’s just how I am.” When I asked him why he didn’t just stop, he said it felt good and he didn’t want to. Everyone laughed.
I’ve no doubt that he does feel “good” when he has his hissy fit (that’s what it is). But, why does he keep doing this when it’s not going to get him what he wants?
Thousands of books have been written on “how to change” bad behavior. Anger management classes abound. But, why, when we know we “shouldn’t” engage in certain behaviors, do we go ahead and do so anyway?
Perhaps, that is THE question each one of us needs to ask:
why do you do what you do even though you know, consciously and unconsciously, that it is not going to get you what you really want?
Each of us must answer this question and until the question is grappled with and answered a person is never going to be able to change destructive behavior.
I also don’t think you can change ingrained behavior without the help of a coach, someone who can help you stay honest with yourself, help you hold yourself accountable, and guide you in implementing new communication strategies.
Accountability is key to change. . .
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