My friend, Peter, was going to sit in on an evening class I was teaching over at UCLA Extension. The plan was for him to swing by my place at 6:00pm and we’d drive over together. At 5:45pm I went down to the entryway of my building to wait for him. A few minutes later, he appeared with Peter Manning, his ten-year old son, in tow. Peter’s wife was running late and she decided to pick-up their son from my place. Since she didn’t know the building, Peter decided to wait outside for her, leaving me with young Peter.
Distracted and preoccupied, I was nervous about being late. Suddenly I heard Peter Manning ask “so, you know my father through Eddie and Stacy?” I smiled. He was so polite, so grown-up, in that moment. Yes, it was through mutual friends that I’d gotten o know his dad and so began our conversation.
I was impressed by how confident and un-self-conscious Peter-Manning was in talking with me. He asked good questions, he listened, he smiled, he focused on me, and he even laughed at my humor.
Heck, after a few minutes, I thought I’d dump his father and take him to class as show-n-tell––he could demonstrate the fine (and imperiled) art of conversation! But, moments later, his mom came and Peter and I were off to class.
I shouldn’t be surprised that young Peter was so poised as his dad is a writer and his mom is in the entertainment industry. Still, though, I’ve been wondering why a ten-year old boy was happy to engage me in genuine conversation while so many of the people who seek me out for coaching tell me that they don’t like talking with people!
I think conversation is a dying art. Okay, so “dying” may be a tad melodramatic, but, people seem torn when it comes to talking with other people.
I often hear clients say, “I go to work to work and I don’t want to have to talk with people.” I’m happy when people tell me they want to conscientiously do the work they’re being paid good money (hopefully) to do. But, here’s the thing. . .
People like to work with and for people they like and the way we get to like people is by getting to know them and the best way we get to know people is by talking with them!
You don’t have to become drinking buddies with your co-workers and you don’t have to become their therapist, especially since that most likely is not in your job description. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t engage them in conversation, in pleasant chitchat where the stranger becomes less strange. Perhaps common ground is found. A general sense of liking and the beginnings of mutual trust are formed.
Young Peter forced me to stop looking at my watch and to stop worrying AND I’d like to think that I gave him adult respect that allowed him to unknowingly practice his communication skills, so as to increase the chances that he won’t grow up to be a boring man!
I was charmed by this kid and I went off to class in a better mood than if I had not spoken with him. For that, my UCLA students owe young Peter. . .
Every chance meeting is an appointment.
Pablo Neruda (1904-1973)
Chilean poet and diplomat
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