What The Apple Store Taught Me About Being An "Adult"

During the past weeks, consulting with clients, I’ve been waylaid by directors, managers and even a CEO, demanding to know, “Why can’t my team act like adults?” “I shouldn’t have to repeat myself, she should know, she’s an adult.”  “It’s not that hard to do; he’s an adult, he should know better.”  Each client has a particular reason for their frustration and while some of those reasons are legitimate, others I think are unreasonable.  I’m struck, though, by the growing chorus of executives who believe their people are not acting like “adults.”

 I’ve been thinking about what it means to be an “adult” and have even been questioning if I’m an adult!  Then, last week, a team member at my local Apple Store, reminded me of what an “adult” looks and sounds like.

Earlier in the day I’d upgraded my Sprint-serviced i-phone to the 6s – oh, happy day!  Later, as I was trying to download stored info, I ran into a snag.  Frustrated, and with only an hour before the store closed, I dashed off to the mall.  I walked into the Apple Store and spotted a team member who looked like he was just waiting for me.

 He flashed a smile as I pleadingly asked, “Can you help me?”  He was facially attentive as I fumbled with my explanation.  In under a minute, he assured me, “I think I know what the problem is. Come with me.”  We went over to another team member and Jonathan fired off a few sentences of jargon.  To my relief the other guy agreed with him.  I told him I was impressed and he broke into a pleased smile as we went over to a table station.  He plugged my phone into a MacBook, extended his hand, asked me my name and told me his name is Jonathan.  He assured me he’d be back in a few minutes.  To my relief, he did come back, checked the phone and all was set.

So simple! 

Simple because Jonathan was relaxed, assured, knowledgeable, comfortable in the store environment, patient, focused – all of which made me feel valued.  And that’s what an adult does – she or he makes other people feel valued.

In my workshops and classes I remind participants that people like to do business with people they like.  Why?  Because people like people who make them feel valued. 

Jonathan reminded me, in my moment of need, just how important “likability” is as we go about conducting business.  And so I think THAT’S what makes someone an “adult” – they know how to be likable by knowing how to make someone feel valued.

What does it take to be likable?

Top 10 Ways To Create “Likability”

1.     You telegraph that you see the other person by having your eyes connect at the same time your face breaks into a smile.

2.     You introduce yourself by name and make a point to remember the other person’s name.

3.     You engage the other person in a calm, assured and assuring tone of voice and overall posture.

4.     Your speech is clear, not rushed, and you avoid waffling words and hedges.

5.     You convey that you’re genuinely curious about how you might help the other person and so you ask, “what brings you here today?” and avoid a canned customer service script.

6.     No matter how fumbling the person is in explaining the problem, you patiently search for clarity and so you don’t interrupt by finishing thoughts and sentences.

7.     You know that you have a responsibility to explain what you know and so you know you are responsible for guiding the encounter.

8.     You confidently use phrases such as: “I take responsibility,”  “Here’s what we can do,”  “I’ll handle it,”  “I appreciate that. . .”  “I understand that you. . .”

9.     And, hey, humor goes a long way to putting people at ease – when used appropriately.

10.  At the end of encounter, you remember to ask, “what else can I do for you?”

In reading over this list, you may think, “but what about the jerks that are bullying in their response?”

Yes, some customers, internal and external, may be toxic.  And there are techniques for dealing with them.  First, though, master the basics because in today’s world, the real adult is the master of the basics!

16 Quotes To Help You Choose A New Year's Resolution

Since the day after Christmas I’ve been thinking about this, my first posting of 2016.  I’ve spent weeks toying with my own “Top 10 Ways To Make 2016 The Best Year Ever!” but eventually I realized I had my focus out of whack.  I couldn’t suggest ways to plan for 2016 until I’d made sense of 2015.

The simple truth is that before you plan for the future, you have to make sense of the past.  There’s no point in making New Year’s resolutions until you acknowledge the good (and not so good) of the previous year.

To help me reflect on the past year and so get my bearings for this new year, I rummaged through a journal book of quotes I’ve collected beginning from college days.  Here are sixteen quotes that have got me thinking about how I’ve lived the past year and that inspire me to make 2016 a truly “new” year.

1.     Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Ambrose Redmoon

What was I most afraid of in 2015?  What is more important to me than that fear? Can that “something more important” be a resolution for 2016?

2.     The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Mark Twain

Did last year help me better understand my “why”?  Am I willing to embrace that “why?” and let it guide all my decisions this year?

3.     There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths.

Mark Nepo

What wrong turn did I make in 2015?  Am I still stuck in that wrong turn or have I found unexpected opportunity?

4.     Sometimes ‘courage’ is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

What do I need to try again this year?  And how can I try in a different way?

5.     To grow is to change, and to have become perfect is to have changed often.

John Henry Newman

Did I change in any way during 2015?  Did that change help me go about my work and my life or did that change trip me up?

6.     When we exist without thought or thanksgiving we are not men, but beasts.

M.F.K. Fisher

Who and what were the gifts of 2015?  Did I recognize and give thanks for them?  How can I continue to honor those gifts  in this new year?

7.     Don’t ask what the world needs; ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.

Howard Thurman

What made me come alive in 2015?  How can I do more and better of what makes me come alive?

8.     Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy.

Denis Waitley.

What projects, goals and dreams did I procrastinate on in 2015?  Why was I afraid?  Have I already come up with new excuses to continue to procrastinate in 2016?

9.     You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be something great for someone.

Arielle Jackson

Who was I “great” for in 2015?  Who can I be “great” for this year?

10. There are years that ask questions and years that answer.

Zora Neal Hurston

Was 2015 a year of clarity and direction or was I more uncertain about where and how to devote my energies?  Which do I want this year to be?

11. Most people don’t know this, but it’s easier to go from failure to success than from excuses to success.

John Maxwell

Did I have more excuses than failures in 2015?  Have any of those excuses helped me in reaching long term goals?  How do those excuses feel now at the start of 2016?

12. Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it.

Rabbi Harold Kushner

So how did I make the world a different place in 2015?  Are those ways worth continuing in 2016?

13. A problem is a chance for you to do your best.

Duke Ellington

What were the problems I encountered last year?  Did my perfectionism complicate the problem or did I dig deep into my best?  Do I view a problem as a “chance” or a “curse”?

  

14. Our full humanity is contingent on our hospitality; we can be complete only when we are giving something away; when we sit at the table and pass the peas to the person next to us we see that person in a whole new way.

Alice Waters

What were the “peas” I passed olong last year?  What was my criterion for hospitality?  What other kinds of peas can I pass on this year?

15. My whole life changed when I decided not just what I’d like to do, but when I decided who I was committed to being and having in my life.

Tony Robbins

Who was in my life last year?  Why did I push away certain people?  How can I invite old friends and new folks into my life this year?

16. There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end.  I won’t have it.  There is something deadening about going through life cautiously.

Annie Dillard

How did I diddle around in 2015?  What itsy-bitsy parts of last year can I turn into something new and dare I say, “grand” this year?

I know that what I need to resolve for 2016 rests in my answers to these quote-inspired questions.

I also know that there’s a host of reasons for why I/we don’t keep resolutions, just ask Drs. Drew, Oz and Phil!  However, I think one reason is that I/we are afraid of what would happen if we did keep a resolution.

Ultimately, a new year’s resolution demands that we embrace the truth that we are worthy and deserving of success and well being.

Here’s to a new year that’s truly wonderful in all ways new!

A Different Kind Of New Year's Resolution

I spent the holidays back in NYC with family and flew home the day after Christmas.  What should have been a nine hour flight (with layover) ended up being two days!  I was flying via Dallas Fort Worth, but forty minutes outside Dallas we were diverted to Shreveport, Louisiana due to storms.  A small airport, the place had shut down for the night by the time we arrived.  We trudged to the ticketing area and waited for word about hotel rooms, baggage and how to rebook

Two hours later, an American Airlines rep appeared.  He made a rapid static announcement over the intercom and, of course, no one knew what he said.  I went over, smiled and said, “Sir, just want to let you know we weren’t able to understand you.”  He stared and mumbled, “I know,” and then walked away!  His brazenness was breathtaking.  A ticket agent eventually arrived and when I told her that someday I hoped to leave Shreveport and get home, she deadpanned, “Good luck with that.”

Following morning people began arriving.  All flights were delayed.  At one point, a young woman spotted an airline rep heading to a counter and she rushed over, obviously hoping to ask a question.  The rep swiveled, waved her hand in the woman’s face and loudly announced, “I don’t know nothing.  Ask me nothing.  When I know something I’ll tell you, otherwise leave me alone.  I’m busy!”  That was the first public announcement since the garbled intercom one from the night before.  Stunning!  

Eventually, I got to Dallas and with the help of a remarkably competent and kind phone customer rep, was able to book a flight back to LAX.  I know that I wasn’t the only person with a holiday travel horror story (I’ve left out so many bizarre details).  During the twenty-four hours I waited in the Shreveport airport I knew that eventually the airline had to get me home. BUT, I also knew no one really cared about me or about my fellow passengers.  We felt trapped and at the mercy of people who made it clear that we were just a massive nuisance.

I’ve regaled friends with this story and everyone has said, “Of course they didn’t care.  That’s the problem today – no one cares.”  People are shocked by the brazenness of the airline reps but aren’t surprised by their lack of customer service.  No one cares.

But here’s the thing – every one of us has the ability and opportunity to “care” in our professional lives and with family and friends.  My 2016 resolution is to care more carefully – to let people know that I see and understand what it is they need from me.  That’s the great lesson of Shreveport.

What about you?  What’s your resolution?

Here’s to a new year “new” in all ways wonderful!