Last October I had the
privilege to speak at the Titleist Performance World Golf Summit – even, though
I only play miniature golf! I spoke on
how coaches, trainers and teachers can create trust between themselves and their
clients. I explained that no matter what
your field trust springs up when your client believes that you “see” and
understand them.
In my talk I highlighted the basic communication
skills that go into creating trust: listening,
managing emotions, understanding your biases and using well-chosen words.
In the months since that talk, I’ve recognized a
marked difference between those who are able to create a trusting relationship
and those who seem robotic. Yes, clearly
there’s a difference in communication skills BUT there’s also that “something
else.”
I’m now convinced that the “something else” hovers
around whether the coach, teacher, healer (substitute “manager” or “leader”)
trusts their own individual self – trusts not just their professional skill
set, but trusts their own person and their ability to enter into a relationship
with others.
In order to establish trust with your
client you need to trust your own self.
What does it mean to trust your own self? While it’s about being “confident”, it’s
about more than confidence. When you
trust your self certain observable things happen – or at least, you’re willing
to let happen.
Trusting
your self means that you –
1.
Believe that what you’re doing is worthwhile
and you’re committed to the job. Golf
legend Scott Foley said it best: “I’m
here to touch the individual lives of the people that I work with. I was raised on the idea that when you wake
up in the morning and when you go to bed at night the goal is to leave the
world in a better place than you found it.”
2.
Readily and willingly make yourself vulnerable
and are not easily embarrassed.
3.
Experience empathy for what your client is
feeling, thinking.
4.
Respect failure and mistakes and so are patient
because you know the process demands it.
5.
Convey knowledge and competency with a
non-arrogant alertness so that a potential problem is addressed with, “here’s how we’ll handle it.”
6.
Telegraph joy in what you’re doing through a
palpable sense of liveliness, exchange and laughter.
7.
Focus on the client and are not self-absorbed
because the on-going dynamic of the relationship is paramount.
8.
Understand the inherent power of story – realizing
that a command of facts alone doesn’t generate trust.
9.
Go about your business rooted in the belief that
the ultimate goal is to hear a client say, “I
hadn’t thought of that before.” It’s
all about discovery.
10.
Are grateful – for the skill, the client, the
opportunity. Everything rests on
this. Seriously, have you ever met an
ingrate you trusted? How can there be
trust without gratitude?
I think these ten traits flow from being able to
answer the most basic and simple of questions: “Who do I want to be?”
Answer that question and you will inevitably come to trust yourself –
and so create a trusting relationship with your clients.
A recent client of mine told me that he wants to
be known for five characteristics: Intriguing / interesting / powerful /
knowledgeable / humble. He believes that
he is these words and also that he can become “more” of these words. I’ve been working with him only a short while
but I can see how those words mark him and why his business practice is getting
noticed.
The
truest of truths is that people will most trust you when you trust
yourself. Why? Because the more you trust yourself, the more
you’ll –
·
trust
your client
·
trust the
process of the relationship
·
help the
client trust him / her self
Trust is a circular experience. A client or colleague trusts you when they
believe you “see” them. You can only see
them when you see and trust your self. The
more you trust yourself, the more you can help your client trust his or her own
self.
Help a client trust their own self and they will
come to believe that they can “do it” – whatever skill that “it” might be.
Ultimately, the circle of trust begins with
you.
There’s no magic to any of this, though
when trust happens, it can be magical.
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