How Powerful Are Your Lies?

I recently received an email from Ida (name changed).  She’d heard me speak at a luncheon as was hoping I might be able to help her because she hasn’t dated in ten years!  Here’s a slice of what she wrote:

 “I dated a guy for four years during college.  We dreamed of getting married and growing old together.  There was just one problem: Communication! He could never understand me.  I’d try to communicate how I was feeling but it never ended well.  It left me feeling inept and him frustrated. His family loved me, my family loved him, we had the same morals, the same religion, and the same aspirations in life, but in the end we just fought too much.  It would take us days to resolve a fight because we wouldn’t be able to see eye to eye.  I haven’t date anyone for ten years because I honestly thought that if it didn’t work out with him it wouldn’t work out with anyone.” 

I’m not a dating coach, but I think I can help Ida – at least help her see her situation from a new perspective. 

Relationship is ALL about communication.  The quality of our life is in direct proportion to the quality of the communication in our life.  I’m not able (at this point) to analyze where and how the communication broke down in her relationship BUT I can pinpoint where the communication broke down in terms of how she communicated with her own self.

Ida decided that because her relationship with her college beau didn’t work out, then, she had no chance with any other man on the face of the earth!  This arbitrary decision was based on a sampling of just one man!  She convinced herself it was true and because she believed it to be true, she cut herself off from the possibility of romantic love.  For ten years she allowed herself to be constrained by a lie.

If she wants to date again, then she can.  The only thing holding her back is the lie she bought into ten years ago.  But here’s the thing – most of us, at one time or another in our lives, buy into a self-imposed lie that ends up sabotaging us.

I have to be “perfect” for people to appreciate me; I have to have everyone “love” me in order to be worthwhile, etc., etc.

Are you feeling constrained, trapped, or demotivated?  Chances are it’s because you’re believing a lie that you’ve convinced yourself is true.  Put the spotlight on the lie, bravely expose it for the nonsense it is and then do something that gives you life and doesn’t keep you locked away.

Oh, and Ida’s joining Match.com this week!