THE Question To Ask This Holiday Season

I recently gave a workshop to folks at an IT start-up.  I lunched with three of the participants.  Rob (names changed) shared that he was going back home to London for Christmas and was feeling nervous.  He hasn’t seen his parents or his brother Ian in almost three years.  Rob revealed that he left home shortly after his brother disappeared.  Ian, an accomplished artist and musician, is a savant, a neuro-scientist with a Cambridge degree.  Three years ago, after Ian’s girlfriend dumped him, he suffered a breakdown and vanished.  Rob and his family had no idea what had happened to him.  Not even Interpol could help!  Then last month, on Rob’s birthday, he got a Skype call from Ian.  He was at a McDonald’s in a shopping mall in the south of France.  He borrowed someone’s computer, as he’s homeless.

Before Rob could continue this incredible story, Kate, one of our tablemates, blurted out, “Oh god, but we’re all so fragile!”  We all nervously laughed because she nailed it. Certainly, recent news events remind us of just how fragile and vulnerable we all are.

And so I’ve been thinking – how do we honor and protect our shared fragility, especially now as we celebrate Chanukah and Christmas, sacred celebrations of the weak and vulnerable?   My suggestion is simple – reach out and surprise someone(s) with a “thank you.” 

Recently Ed sent me a note via Facebook thanking me for the kindness I’d shown him when he used to visit his sister, Sheila, in Berkeley.  Sheila and I were in grad school and when Ed would visit her on his leaves from the Army, I’d have them over for dinner.  The truth is I had forgotten about those dinners, but Ed hadn’t.  His note took me by surprise and I’m grateful that he reached out. 

Before I sat down to write this column, I had an email from Jared, an LMU student in whose class I guest spoke.  He thanked me because my talk impacted how he views himself as he prepares to graduate.  The truth is I left the class thinking no one had paid attention and that I had wasted my time.  You just never know – until someone reaches out.

The best tweet I ever read simply said, “What can I do for you?”  During this holiday season, maybe that’s the question we need to ask rather than, “what can I get you?” 

At the end of lunch, Rob thanked us for listening to his odd story.  He said he didn’t feel as nervous.  We felt hopeful for him.   And maybe that’s what this season of holidays, this season of hope, is really all about – helping each other feel less fragile.