The "Secret" To Successful Business Relationships

Last week I met my friend Becky (names changed) for dinner.  Joining us was Jerold, a colleague of hers, who was interested in having me guest lecture in his class (college).  I arrived early at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant.  While standing at the host counter, I looked around and spotted a woman staring intently at me.  She began waving me over and then yelled across the room, “Are you here for Jerold and Becky?”  Turns out she’s Jerold’s daughter, Sally.  She’d landed at LAX an hour before, having come from a Tokyo vacation.  She knew her dad was having dinner here and thought she’d surprise him.

Sally had heard Jerold mention me and asked, “What is it you do again?”  I didn’t get far into my “elevator speech” before she interrupted me.  She whipped out her cell phone and proceeded to give me a recap of her 5-star vacation – with a complete breakdown of how much she spent.

At first I thought I was being punked by MTV or Betty White!  But then I wasn’t sure how I felt.  Bewildered – insulted – amused?  Who was this woman?

I asked where she works and it turns out she’s a financial advisor at a firm that handles my money.  A connection!  Instead, she simply said, “Guess I can’t get you as a client.”

I tried another tack since I’d visited Tokyo years ago.  I told her that I had lived on an island in the South Pacific and on my way home to NYC, I stopped off in Japan.  She asked if the island had any resorts and when I told her we didn’t even have Wi-Fi, she dismissively said, ”Don’t think I’ll be going there.”

I actually was amused and “somewhat” charmed by her exuberance.  Yes, she was scattered, but not in a mean way.  But, she was scattered.  In that respect, she’s like me and you and so many of us.  It’s easy to get self-absorbed.

She reminded me that, when we’re scattered, we can’t focus on “what” and “who” is important.  And the “who” is always the person in front of you.  Sally was happy to meet me, but I could have been anyone.  All she wanted was someone she could talk to about her vacation until her dad arrived.  Essentially, I was a prop.

Clients often ask how they can become more interesting.  Well, the tried-n-true way to become more interesting is to make the person you’re with feel like they are interesting.  And the way to do that is by asking questions, engaging in conversation, exploring points of commonality.

To be able to talk WITH someone and not AT someone – now there’s the “secret” to building successful relationships!