Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Why I Silence Your Call, Even When I'm Free


Illustration by Melinda Josie
 This opinion piece, written by Caeli Wolfson Widger, appeared last week in The New York Times.  It struck a nerve with me for two reasons.

First, several of my friends are now opting for texting over speaking – and I’m annoyed!  Second, in my consulting I’ve noticed a new and recurrent frustration shared by many professionals – colleagues are trying to sort through messy issues via text rather than a phone or in-person conversation.

Windger offers an honest and surprising insight on this trend. 

What about you – are you opting out of talking?!






My cousin Stacey in San Francisco called recently. We hadn’t spoken since she visited me the previous month, and I missed her. I was sitting in my office, catching up on e-mail while refreshing my Twitter feed every few minutes. Hardly too busy for a chat.





And yet, I watched the call come in without touching my phone. I didn’t listen to the voice mail she left either but fired off a text instead, apologizing for being too busy to talk and proposing that we plan a call for the next day.



Why the lie? I had time to talk. I had the privacy and quietude I rarely have at my home full of little children and happy chaos. Some of my best conversations of all time have been with Stacey. But my reflex was to avoid her call.



These days, I hardly ever pick up. Most of my daily phone-based exchanges are conducted via text and messaging on social-media platforms. With those, I’m rapid-fire on the turnaround. Every ping signaling a text or swoosh alerting me to a Twitter direct message feels like a tiny gift in waiting. The trill of an unexpected incoming call, on the other hand, feels like a potential demand on my time and attention.



Stacey’s call probably would have fallen into this category. She was going through a difficult time. Her five-year relationship with her boyfriend was falling apart, and she was laid off 18 months earlier. While she couldn’t bear to live another second with her almost-ex, she also couldn’t afford to venture out into the exorbitant San Francisco housing market on her own.



Stacey hadn’t responded to my text, but I wasn’t worried. We would catch up. We always did.



A week later. . .CONTINUE READING

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