Every Day Can Be An April Fool’s Day!

I recently met with Brad and Nikki (names changed) who are getting married later this year.  Their story begins in the most ordinary of ways – they met in high school and quickly became sweethearts.  After graduation they each went to a different college and though they tried to keep the relationship intact, distance and time broke them up.

The years passed and they lost touch with each other.  They each went on to marry and eventually divorce.  And here is where life gets incredible.  One day two years ago, Brad was driving in Santa Monica.  He slammed on the brakes for a red light.  He happened to look to his right and glanced on the back of a woman entering a Staples.  He thought couldn’t shake the feeling she was Nikki.  He parked the car and went racing through Staples.  And, yes, it was Nikki!  They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in over ten years.  Soon, though, they were back where they had left off and today are planning their wedding

Two weeks ago I finished teaching a course at UCLA.  Every Tuesday night for eleven weeks I’d stand in the hallway outside my classroom before class started.  Anyone who wanted could confer with me.  And every Tuesday night a young man would walk by me on his way to another class.  I noticed him because he always wore a suit and carried a large backpack that appeared to be heavily crammed with who knows what.  I always wondered what could be in that large backpack.

Last week I was in the B of A building downtown on my way to meet with a client.  Ahead of me on the elevator was a guy with a large backpack that made me think of the UCLA guy.  When he turned around, I was stunned to see that it was the same guy!

In last week’s Huffington Post, an item ran about New Jersey couple Jourdan and Ryan Spencer who met on a blind date in 2004 – BUT they actually crossed paths more than a decade before.

Jourdan’s parents have video of her when she was ten at the Sesame Place amusement park in Langhorne, Pennsylvania.  At one point in the video, Ryan, then thirteen years old and an utter stranger, walks into the frame.  He was there with his family!

What better time than April Fool’s to reflect on just how weird life can get?! 

Shakespeare said, “All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.” 

True. 

But it’s poet Mary Oliver who writes, “Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” 

Somehow, that’s worthy advice for an April Fool’s Day!

What Makes Confident People "Confident"

Last week my UCLA Extension course on Interpersonal Communication ended. The final assignment was simple – I asked the students to tell me in five hundred words or less what they had learned.  One answer in particular stood out.  Pablo wrote: “While I was discussing with some fellow students what we learned in this class, I realized that all of us reached the same goal, though in different ways: we all now feel more confident in ourselves.”

I think confidence goes to the heart of successful living and that’s why I named my website “the business of confidence.”  Confidence, though, is one of those words that can mean different things to different people.  I think there are twelve things confident people consistently do that set them apart from the maddening crowd – and these are the traits I help people cultivate.

Confident people don’t whine, blame, sulk or make excuses. Therefore, when talking with people, their goal is to establish clarity and mutual understanding – they’re not about impressing others with their knowledge.  They know what they know and recognize what they don’t know – b.s. is kept to a minimum.

Confident people are not afraid of those who are different from them – rather, they engage them with inquisitiveness.  They understand that there is no such thing as “the” real world and have learned to comfortably navigate a series of “real” worlds.  This allows them not to be trapped in a fearfully limited knowledge of life.

Confident people understand that the unexpected is unexpected because it’s not expected and so meet challenges head on with the phrase, “I’ll handle it.”  They are not easily swayed by emotional blackmail and are able to extricate themselves from such situations.  They know their particular biases and are able to sidestep them.

If it’s true that life is a never-ending series of moments of small humiliations, then confident people’s  pursuit of perfection is not hindered by an obsessive need to be perfect.  They have a sense of humor that they sensitively manage and display.

The confident have a spirit of “sprezzatura” (the Italian way for describing a certain kind of nonchalance).  While they take life seriously, they don’t take themselves too seriously.  And so they are not snobbishly judging, smugly condemning, slavishly analytical or humorlessly practical. 

Confident people delight in cheering and astonishing others with risky thinking and deciding.  They are not insistent that people, or life, “should” be a certain way.  

The poet Mary Oliver believes “you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life”.  Confident people, because they are confident, adhere to her advice.  They always take responsibility.

How what about you?  How confident are you? 

How confident do you want to be?

"I'm In The Business Of Helping People Not Worry!"

The Castle Green

 

Earlier this month I participated in a wedding fair hosted by Dior Chase, Events Manager at Pasadena’s legendary Castle Green.  I usually don’t participate in these fairs but Dior always manages to create a fun, intimate experience.  At day’s end, I looked for Dior to say good-bye and spotted a laughing couple hugging her.  Moments later, Dior was beaming as she told me that the couple felt relieved and no longer stressed about their wedding because they’d met such great vendors.  With pride Dior said she loved her handpicked vendors because they were the best (thank-you, Dior!).  What’s more, she said she only wants to work with the best because she wants her couples to feel confidently happy when planning their wedding.

I’ve been thinking about what Dior said – that she’s in the business of helping people not worry during one of the most important times in their lives.  What an incredible thing to say about yourself, “I’m in the business of helping people not worry!”

What does it take to succeed in the business of helping people not worry?  Dior makes it look simple and maybe that’s because it actually is simple to do.  If you offer a service that ultimately reassures people, then you simply need to:

·      Know your self.  Know what you enjoy.  Know the technical aspects of what you’re offering so that you are the expert.

·      Surround yourself with top people.  I’ll go so far as to say – be a snob and insist on working only with the best.

·      Let “the best” know you think they’re the best.  Be generous with your compliments.

·      Stay grounded, knowing that the unpredictable is unpredictable because it can’t be predicted!  Go about your business always having in the back of your mind the belief, “I’ll handle it” – no matter what the “it” might be.

·      Share your knowledge even if there might not be an immediate return.  People remember people who help them, even if they don’t hire them on the spot.

·      Understand that you’re dealing with real people with real needs and every real need has an accompanying fear.  Let them know you understand.

·      Laugh.  “Seriously” – there are precious few jobs where humor is not going to help you go a long ways.

Play around with these basics.  Make them your own and soon you will have your special brand – a brand that reassures people they are in safe, competent hands with you.

What Dior does is deceptively simple – she treats her clients like colleagues and her colleagues like clients.  When you treat people like that, they will hug you and say, “Thank you – what a relief it is not to have to worry.”

 Yes, Life can be that simple!